Sabina's Sauerkraut
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By Sabina Sedgewick
Knowing my mother would not let me out to graze, I begged her to get me a plate full of raw sauerkraut. I still remember how I masticated the tangy shreds, feeling very much in tune with the cows' intense eating experience. Unfortunately, I never found a partner willing to share my passion for eating sauerkraut in bed. My husband finds it disgusting, so I do it secretly. If raw sauerkraut is too kinky for the common tongue, I recommend this cooked version. Although not as elemental, it is equally earthy. Since the ingredients are ordinary kitchen staples, rather than fancy French delicacies, all the credit goes to the imaginative cook, not the gourmet grocer. It satisfies a voracious appetite, which usually follows vigorous exercise and therefore is best served at the conclusion of a seduction. Only hardy eaters will be able to consume this hearty meal before lovemaking. If, for reasons beyond the control of the cook, the food has to come first, I suggest a brisk walk in the woods as a transition, possibly an al fresco setting for the post-sauerkraut event. Drain and rinse one pound of sauerkraut (or a 27-ounce can) in cold water. Place in a casserole with large smoked sausages or ham hocks. Add two lean pork chops, and top with a can of diced pineapple including the juice. Sprinkle with chopped walnuts, coarsely ground pepper, a bay leaf, and a dash of salt. Cover and simmer in a moderate oven for at least two hours. This should leave plenty of time for an unhurried erotic encounter enhanced by the tantalizing aroma from the kitchen. As soon as you are ready to return your attention to cooking--there are no exact time limits--brown four small breakfast sausages in a skillet, drain off the fat, and arrange them on top of the sauerkraut with the other pieces of meat. Serve with fluffy mashed potatoes, garnished with fried onions. (Smoked beef and veal frankfurters can be substituted for a kosher version, and dried fruit with small white beans instead of meat can turn this into a vegetarian meal.) Recommended for active couples who are seeking a nourishing relationship. The flavor increases with reheating. Reprinted with permission from Ladies' Own Erotica by the Kensington Ladies' Erotica Society, Ten Speed Press, Berkeley, California
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My craving for sauerkraut in the raw goes back to when I was six years old. Propped up in bed (I had the flu), I spent my idle and listless hours watching the cows outside my window. Although they spent the whole day doing the same thing over and over, they never showed the slightest sign of boredom. On the contrary, their satisfaction showed with every mouthful of fresh green grass. I watched them circle clumps of grass with strong, fleshy tongues, then pull up a tasty bunch and munch steadily, without haste. Every so often they looked up dreamily just to chew, totally absorbed, totally content.